If You Want One Reason to Love the Milwaukee Brewers, I Will Give You One Million

1. Why Not?: If you are currently searching for a team in Major League Baseball to support, you will not find any team that is as cool or as classy as the Milwaukee Brewers (maybe the Red Sox). With a great roster, spectacular stadium, timeless tradition, and a manner of pathetic lovability that will strike your heart with deadly accuracy, the Brewers have the total package. But enough complimenting these generalizations, it's time to get into specifics.
2. A Roster for Everyone: No matter who you are or who you claim to be, I guarantee you will find some form of application with at least one member of the Brewers' roster. Success should not be measured by the ability or talent of a team's roster, but by the number of diverse personalities that the team features. That is why the Brewers have the best roster in the Major Leagues. For example, if you identify yourself as a hard-working, blue collar man or woman, look no further then the Brewers two resident tough guys, Brady Clark and Geoff Jenkins. Everyday these two men will eat nails for breakfast, bring their hard hat and lunch pail to the ballpark, run themselves into the ground, produce results on the field, and do it all without receiving any fanfare. Hell, Jenkins will run through a wall to record an out. Anything that doesn't kill him will only make him stronger. A catcher with 50 pounds on him is blocking the plate? Geoff will still try to knock the eyeballs out of his head. That fastball is three feet off the plate? So what? He'll swing at it anyway. But the identity of the team does not only apply to the blue collared ones out there. If you slick, pimp, and always drop it like it's hot, then Bill Hall and Rickie Weeks are your men. If you're big and you don't shit from anyone, then look no further than "El Caballo" Carlos Lee. If your natural ability is hidden behind a goofy manner and a lack of coordination, then share your pain with Lyle Overbay. If you're from Australia, hey Trent Durrington is too.
3. The Pimpin'est Stadium in the League: Seriously, gaze at Miller Park, and don't try to act unimpressed by its shear awesomeness. A retractable roof, great seats anywhere in the park, delicious food, bathrooms with the toilets that have the little sprinklers in them so you don't have to wipe, sausage races, need I say more. Anyone who says that Miller Park is not the best ballpark in the Bigs is lying. Try to name better stadium, and remember that Wrigley and Fenway are falling apart so they don't count. Umm, uhh, yeah that's what I thought.
4. They are not the New York Yankees: Everynight in my prayers before I go to bed, I ask God why he allowed Satan to create and run a baseball team. Everything about the Yankees reeks of evil and homo-eroticism. I would presume that team with the most championships of any team professional sports would accomodate itself with a nice stadium in a nice neighborhood. But no, the shit hole that is Yankee Stadium is located in the trashiest section of the Bronx. Anyone who says that Yankee Stadium is the best ballpark in the league is either not yet ready to admit that Miller Park is the greatest structure ever erected, or does not have an IQ that reaches the double digits. Even though Yankee Stadium is the largest ballpark by capacity in the Major Leagues, George Steinbrenner still has the audacity to charge the same ticket prices as a stadiums with 20,000 less seats (check out the prices at Fenway if you're interested). The "Stadium" is made all the worse by the self-proclaimed "best fans in the world". Ironically enough, a team with such a winning pedigree has a fan base composed entirely of losers. How big of a loser must you be to associate yourself with such a winning team?

The Yankees are the anti-Brewers with their unbelievably shitty roster and shitty stadium. The widely held belief that Derek Jeter is a homosexual is no coincidence. The signs are simply too glaring and obvious. Of course millions of dumbass Yankees fans will rush to Jeter's defense and say, "but greg, jeters not gay, he dates supermodells!!11". Exactly, Jeter is so insecure with his masculinity and so desperate to display his affection for women that he will "date" supermodels. But Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada don't seem to mind. They can always borrow the models' lipstick, mascara, eyeliner, etc. (A-rod and Posada are the antithesis of Brady Clark and Geoff Jenkins).
I could continue slurping the Brewers or disparaging the Yankees, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to do so. But I do have one million reasons to absolutely love the Milwaukee Brewers, trust me.