The Next Big Thing

One morning, feeling especially cranky after a late night, I woke up and searched for the word "blog" on Google intending to disparage self-centered shitheads around the world who overestimate how much regular people care about their mundane lives by posting personal websites. These "bloggers" typically prattle on for pages and pages and pages on boring political topics and whatever else tickles their fancy, as if anyone gives a shit. Thank God these posts have comments, or else I would never be able to relay the truth to these dipshits that nobody cares. They usually offer an unrelated reply back claiming that "Oh, writing is just my hobby". Writing is not a hobby, anyone can write. Nobody calls breathing a hobby (Although I do wish breathing was a hobby, one that these people weren't interested in).
However, by curious querk of fate, I found a page that suggested I could create my own personal website. I suddenly began to think on a grander scale. Why just insult people personally by going from site to site when I could just make fun of people from one large source. In addition to that, I would no longer have to scour the entire world wide web in order to make myself feel better. Everything appeared to be turning up Greg.
Yet some idiotic (and impotent, I assume) people will believe that I am the world's greatest hypocrite for starting a blog after the assertion I made earlier. However, these people overlooked one incredible glaring difference. Most bloggers are self-serving turds that move blissfully and brainless through the world assuming that people care. The only difference with me is that I care. I care about entertaining the masses by belittling the people that have it coming to them. I am not toiling over a simple webpage for me, but rather, for others who seek guilty pleasures or a cheap laugh or two. If people expect me to generate laughs at other people's expense, then I will stand and deliver.
So my quest to attain popularity at the cost of others begins. As the great sports and humor writer Tony Kornheiser once said, "At the end of the day, sometimes I fear that I have not sufficiently entertained everyone". Well, here's to no more fear.