Stop Population Control Immediately!

The thought of having population control in nations throughout Asia makes me want to vomit in disgust. I'm from the America, damnit, and I believe that life is always a right and not a priviledge, just like wealth and happiness. However, the moral ramifications of population control don't bother me as much as the possibility of not allowing young ladies to blossum into beautiful mature women. Let's all just concede right now that Asia houses the most gorgeous women in the world. Their beauty shines brighter than that of any other race of women because they are smarter, have more personality, and are not confined by the evil powers of fashion. Fashion blows. Not only does it hide the natural hotness of women behind 800 tons of makeup, but it also tricks stupid teenagers into buying flat-brimmed hip-hop hats, big, black and baggy gothic jeans, and stupid polo shirts. Trust me kids, those clothes will come in handy when you have a job mixing concrete. Fashion is to blame for the existence of Abercrombie and Finch. Fashion is to blame for sweat shop labor in third world countries. Fashion is evil, don't do it.
But back to lecture at hand. If you seek the hottest women in the world, look no further than these three. On the far right, Michelle Yeoh, who has a firm kung fu grip on all things beautiful (she was the Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies and the older, less atractive woman in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). At center, not only is Sandra Oh gorgeous, but she was born in Ottawa, so she's gots to love hockey (sick). And on the far left is Gish Jen, who takes a lot of liberties when it comes to attractiveness. I'll just let my audience gaze at their extrordinary beauty:

hot hotter hottest

Upon close examination of Gish Jen, many members of my audience will assume that I have poured an excessive amount of Windex into my eyes (The ones who don't are blind). However, Jen is on this list for one reason, she penned the novel Typical American (Note: I cannot underline, so excuse all book titles). Usually I won't talk about literature, because I'd rather do something less painful than reading like jump off a cliff. But this book was not as much reading as it was a sensual experience. I do not hesitate in saying that Jen's Typical American is the greatest piece of writing in the history of literature. What's my reasoning, you ask? This novel actually improves upon the Great American Novel. It is everything I wish The Great Gatsby could be. Where The Great Gatsby was boring and boobless, "Oh, look at Gatsby, isn't he great. Oh look, he died, isn't that terrible. Oh, look at Tom and Daisy, they're huge dicks. Let's relate all this to the Age of Exploration in North America", Jen's novel will knock you senseless, literally (get it, literally. Ah, never mind). While other authors don't have the balls to describe sexual intercourse and only imply it, (i.e. "They had some coffee and went to the bed. End of Chapter") Jen enhances the erotic experience with incredibly detailed description. I'm pretty sure that many members of my audience are reading this before they masturbate to porn in a few minutes. Please, do not bust that nut just yet. Reading Typical American is the intellectual alternative to pornography. At one point, I expected a door bell to ring, a delivery boy to be standing at the door, and a character asking "Did somebody order a pizza?". That would be followed by melodious porn music and a long session of three-way loving making. Read Gish Jen's Typical American immediately if not sooner.