See the Biggest Losers in the World! Live!

To whom ever created America Online's instant messaging, I must express my digust. Sure, many vapid people around the world will gladly give you thanks or oral sex for creating a new form of communication, but why must it be so impersonal? Talking on the phone is ten times easier and at least my friends can discern my sarcasm (which is much harder to express in words). Not only that, but I had to learn how to type at unbelievable speeds to keep up with my friends. I swear I have literally wasted one-tenth of my life "playing" those stupid word processing games (Damnit I hate Qwerty, that little shit). And the faces, why do we need those fucking faces? I noticed that every face shows some type of emotion, but why aren't any of the faces thoughtful or pensive? Probably because AIM users are never pensive or thoughtful.
But my biggest grievance with the AIM service is the profile. Although the profile does enable people to include some personalization into their AIM account, it also unleashes the unspeakable horror that is LiveJournal. If blogs are considered readers' hell, then LiveJournal is purgatory. Since the name makes absolutely no sense, so I have few suggestions to make a more apt title for such a service:

• LiveDiary: You might as well call it diary since every user needs tampons
• The Quarry: It may seem deep and meaningful once you look into it, but once you dive in, you slam your head against a slab of marble that is as shallow as the person's thoughts

The world would be a far better place without Live Journals. People are now forced into knowing the mood and musical preference of narcistic dickheads across the globe (and coming from me, that's really saying something). Basically two types of people use LiveJournal:

• Psudeo-intellectuals: typically wearing thickly framed glasses, listening to the fecal matter of sound that is emo music, and speak in the most condescending of tones because they vote Democrat (scratch that, most are too young to vote, but idealistic enough that they care for no reason).
• Suburbanite Crybabies: someone that will invent problems either because they don't get enough attention or they think the world revolves around them
  

How self-centered must one be to post journal detailing inane thoughts, crappy writing, or descriptions of an otherwise mundane life? As self-centered as person making fun of it, perhaps. But why must we be the victims? Why? I inquired one LiveJournal user as to why he felt it incumbent on himself to post his current mood for all to see instead of just buying a regular journal. After being instantly confused by the sensation of thoughts actually coming into his brain, he offered me the excuse that, "People care about my Journal and it's free". I decided to endure the pain of looking at his LiveJournal and discovered that every entry had an average of three comments, one from himself, and two from a couple of bitches that were probably too busy sucking his dick to actually read it. I guess two ladies slurping his bullshit constituted a high level of care (Hey, it's more action than I'll ever get). Plus, I think it's nice that he is willing to make his Journal public just to save a few bucks. Not only is he selfish for assuming that people care about his banal life, but he's cheap too.
Many of the emo-loving douches on LiveJournal would love to consider themselves excellent writers, but I, a simpleton who likes to make fun of people from abroad, must reveal in the nicest way possible that their writing is shit. Again, I don't mean to be hurtful, but it's true, the writing on LiveJournal truly is terrible. Now I acknowledge the fact that I am not the greatest writer in the world, but I admit that will always be considered a better writer than the pretentious dickheads who use LiveJournal. Why you ask? Simply because I have an audience in mind. Remember, those are the people reading your writing, they're called an audience. I don't write for myself since I'm not that selfish, I just write to entertain my friends, and hopefully, some strangers as well. So, that's it. And please, I implore all LiveJournal users to stop posting their bullshit, stop by my site, share a laugh or two, then get a vasectomy. Thank you.