On Being Named Time's Person of the Year

All I can say is; it's about damn time.
Time Magazine's annual Person of the Year Award is usually given to the person, group, or thing that has defined the greatest number of lives throughout the year (how else do you explain George W. Bush winning this award three times). So imagine the agony Time must of felt when their candidates for this year's award included only members of the two stupidest groups of people on planet Earth; celebrities (who had either given birth or adopted a baby) and politicians (who were probably exposed for their perverted practices).
Fortunately for Time, I was there to warrant major consideration for this award, not because I graduated high school, passed my first semester of college, and wrote a feature-length screenplay all in the last twelve months, but because my website has contributed to the growth and perpetuation of the Information Age.
Now, I know what all five of you readers are thinking. How could the commentary on my simple little website define 2006? Well, allow me to refresh your memory.
Firstly, the world wide web enabled me to affect and change many of the people and events that defined 2006. For instance, who was able to set more trends than MTV this year? And after I ripped that bitch, Ann Coulter, a new one, guess who's book fell from #1 on the New York Times Best Sellers List? And guess which university's football team lost three straight games following my denouncement of Liberty University? And how has the state of Kansas been able to legislate the teaching of intelligent design even into the year 2007? As usual, you may not have noticed my greatness or how my website has affected these events throughout 2006, but thankfully, Time Magazine has.
Even though I would normally take the all the credit for this award, I credit the readers for helping me win. Without them, I would have to rely on my narcissism to keep this site going. Thank you, everyone. All five of you are the real winners this year. Although I've already posted Time's official Person of the Year cover, I created a cover especially for you. You deserve it, maybe not as much as I do, but still, enjoy it while I allow you to.