Who is Ann Coulter?

Seriously, who is she? I have absolutely no clue. I am without a clue on the subject. People describe her as bitch, but I view every woman outside of my mom, my aunts, and my future wife as somewhat of a bitch. So, I did all my research (by research, I mean I looked it up on Wikipedia) and discovered that calling her a bitch is far too deep in litotes to even be called an understatement. Satan could not have done any better with the anti-Christ.
Again, my entire arguement is predicated on this Wikipedia article, which can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Coulter. In a way, this article comes as a welcome relief to me. For too long have I tried solving figurative Rubix cubes in defending intelligent design and justifying my fanataicism for the Milwaukee Brewers. Now, it's my turn to point the gun at the broad side of the barn and fire (except the gun is a crappy-ass website and the broad side of the barn induces headaches across the United States.) Anyway, let's read the article, shall we.
The first thing that struck me was the front cover of her book entitled Slander. Sure, it's a good way to invoke ire, but the word "slander" is printed on a newspaper. Therefore, it would be called libel and not slander. And this is coming from a woman who graduated from Cornell University no less. The second thing that struck me was the fact that she called the "Church of Liberalism" "godless". I, for one, didn't know liberalism was a church, much less that it's godless. In fact, calling a church "godless" doesn't make it much a church now does it. I'm beginning to see why Ms. Coulter opposes women's suffrage.
Coulter has also been described as a "liberal's worse nightmare" and a "conservative darling". Who the hell would make this bitch their darling? I'm sure conservatives would love to portray a woman who supports apartheid as their "darling". Hell, even her parents can't possibly love her. I bet we don't hear much from them because they probably commited suicide once Ann hit television. If only they had taken her with them.
Now, a close examination of the facts will reveal that she is both a woman and certifiably nuts. Therefore, we can conclude that she believes in such evils because she wants attention. Let's face it, deep down inside, that's what all women want, isn't it? So just buy the bitch a damn mirror. She can give herself all the attention she wants without bothering the rest of us.
But as long as people keep being stupid...wait, scratch that. As long as people keep being people, Coulter will be writing books and appearing on television. I, however, will take action. I will stop the madness. How, you ask? My plan is to get her the sack and proceed to bang the brains out of her (assuming she has brains or even a vagina). I will get her in bed and take her around the freaking world. It seems like all of her extreme political views stem from a lack of attention and a need for some sweet lovin'. After all, we all know that women need stimulation. How do you explain high school girls going out with the most dispictable guys? Girls in high school will bang anything that moves, that's how badly they need lovin'. Clearly, Ms. Coulter has ignored her snooge and has taken her sexual frustration out on the world.
So, I will sacrifice all my masculine greatness to Ann, so that she may realize she belongs in one place...bed, and maybe the kitchen. But then again, giving my virginity to Ann my not be all that bad. I mean, who wouldn't want to have sex with a praying mantis? Ha ha, your move, Ann!