My Typical Day

It's a shame that most people use these easily accessible online journals to document their otherwise meaningless lives. What they need is good course in creative writing at the nearest community college, then maybe a normal day for them would seem more interesting to me. But in the interesting of staying relevent, conformist, and cool, I've decided to discuss my typical day for you, the humble reader.
My day usually begins around 1, maybe 2 'o' clock in the afternoon. Getting started is probably the hardest part of my day, considering I have to navigate around my room surrounded by the five or six chicks that I banged the brains out of the night before. Everyday, I must endure their incessant whining, "Oh Greg, don't go! Oh Greg, come back to bed!". But I work through it, for my services are needed 128 out of the 365 days a year.
After eating a healthy breakfast of nails soaked in Pepsi and drinking a tall glass of orange juice, I go to work at the local hospital. My job is rather simple, I must irradicate every incurable disease from every man, woman and child in the emergency ward. True, some of the patients have the grave illnesses ranging from the dysantary to the chicken pox, but I heal their wounds with the help of Almightly God. Often, doctors will ask me "Greg, how are you so awesome? How do you manage to cure these grave sicknesses?", and everyday, I answer "With a little prayer, nails, orange juice, and punanay, always in that order".
After my work in the hospital is done, my next activities depend on the season. If the baseball season happens to be in full swing (I'm so clever), then I will speed home at a average speed of about Mach 3 to see the Brewers on MLB.tv (a great service by the way). If snow happens to be coating the ground, then I strap on my cross-country skis and drudge my way up to Sunday River for some real skiing. I hope to participate in nine events in the 2010 Winter Olympics (The sprint, the team sprint, the 30K classical race, the 50K freestyle race, the slalom, giant slalom, Super-G, downhill, and the Combined in case you were wondering). Yep, I anticipate at least seven gold medals in my future, just to be realistic. After destroying the downhill slopes, I usually take part in the other activities that the mountain has to offer, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. That's only because I think of myself as a frat boy, and I can't think of any other way to have a good time than to get absolutely wasted.
After experiencing all that Sunday River's night life has to offer, I stumble, err, run home as fast as a can to resume my studies. I usually encounter a pack of wolves on my way, but I only cross their path just to toughen myself up. They typically snarl and growl like pussies for a while, until I go Chuck Norris all over their asses. However, I don't beat 'em upside the head to hard, otherwise they wouldn't be able to fight me anymore. But despite their persistant belligerance, I haven't reached optimum toughness yet, since I still have some scraps and bruises. This forces me to admit myself to the nearest hospital.
But once I get their, I encounter another problem. The nurses always attempt to pick me up by using crappy double-entendres like "Ow, you're a dirty boy, you need a sponge bath". They claim to be the heralded Night Nurses from Jersey, but I can tell that they are not Jersey trash. Trash usually gets picked up. But I always tell the ladies to back off, because I have room for only one, maybe three women in my life, and right now, they're locked in my closet.
I rush home to release them from my smelly closet, and, as usual, they come out demanding to have sex. But I'm better than that, by always making the excuse that I can make them ride the stallione tomorrow. I resume my homework, pass the test the next day, they go home to lie my ladies down by the fire in order to, you guessed it, read them a bedtime story. I'm currently in the middle of "Curious George", but the ladies are having some trouble keeping up with the plot. Oh well, that's a story for another day.