Stuck in the Hot Hot Heat Vol. 1: His Reputation Precedes Him

Now, this story may not be written with the best of intentions. But remember, I'm violating intellectual property laws just to bring you this bundle of laughs. This story does belong to my twin brother, Jon, but don't worry, I'm sure he won't sue for that much.
Our tale begins with Jon eagerly anticipating his first day of work. A big grin covers his face as he thinks about working full time for the entire summer. He arrives at Day, Berry, Howard & Associates in Boston ready to start his day.
Jon's official job title is "office filler". He basically performs all the duties of a regular employee while he/she is out on summer vacation. But if a part-time filler (especially one as competant as Jon) can easily replace a full-time employee, I wonder how valuable that employee is the company.
Anyway, as Jon works, another filler introduces himself. His name is Matt and he is far from being a model employee. His hair is disheveled and he struggles to keep his mind on his work. Matt does, however, have a perfectly good reason for his less-than-stellar behavior. The Saturday prior, Matt had attended a bachelor party for one of his closest friends. At this party, he and his friends engaged in several debaucherous activities ranging from the consumption of alcohol to ogling young ladies to smoking illicit substances. And this is the kind of person who can replace you at the office while you are on vacation.
But soon, Matt had had enough of himself. He wanted to hear more about Jon. He mentioned all the exciting things that were going on in his life, including his recent graduation from St. John's Preparatory School. Then, the conversation came to a screeching halt.
"Wait," said Matt, "you went to St. John's Prep?"
"Yes." answered Jon.
"Do you know any of the chemistry teachers there?" Matt inquired.
"Why sure!" Jon said, "I know Mr. Boyle and Mr. Ford-"
Matt burst into hysterics. Jon was puzzled, why is he laughing, the weed should have worn off by now. His answer; he wasn't used to hearing his friend being call "mister".
My jaw hit the floor when Jon got to this point in the story. It was true, my chemistry teacher and Jon's good acquaintance was actually friends with this little degenerate. For those of you who don't know Mr. Ford, I pity you. His reputation and shear awesomeness precede him. He is probably one of the sharpest, coolest, and best teachers on the planet. Everyone in my chemistry class would agree. But his best quality remains his straightforwardness. He's a straight shooter, better than Annie Oakley. Calling him as straight as an arrow is not a fair comparison. Honestly, an arrow simply cannot stack up against Mr. Ford.
His supreme, cool nature is what made this next revelation even more shocking. Not only had Mr. Ford befriended this hoodlum, but he too was at that same bachelor party. Matt, however, can testify that all of Mr. Ford's activities were quite legal, unless you count silently sitting in the corner with a bottle of tequila in your hand unlawful.
Now, on one level, I tell this tale to enhance Mr. Ford's already glowing reputation. If he can maintain a level of popularity on simply being a chemistry teacher, imagine how admired he would be as a raucous partygoer (okay, maybe not raucous). But on several different levels, I tell this tale to demean my poor teacher. My reasoning is two-fold:
1) Why is he hanging out with these little punks who can barely hold the same job as my twin brother?
2) Pot smoking, I can forgive. But failing to invite me to this bachelor party? No. For shame, Mr. Ford. Hopefully, bringing your activities to everyone's attention will make you remember to invite me. For shame.

"Stuck in the Hot Hot Heat": Strange Stories from a Strange Man

As many of you probably don't know, I will be leaving for university this coming fall. Therefore, I have put forth my best effort to make this last summer of dependence on my parents as memorable as possible. After two months, this summer has been memorable to say the least. But enjoyable? Well, I'll let you decide.
Over the next couple of posts, I will describe (in pain-staking detail) the events over last sixty days that have finally made me a man. These stories will include bachelor parties, A-list celebrities, hockey, pranking, and 11-year-old boys, all in that order. So sit back, relax, and set your brains to "dumb" because it's going to be one ugly ride.